Do Business Well

Personality factor: Impulsivity

Most personality traits are present to some degree in all of us. ‘Impulsivity’ is one such trait — the degree to which we have difficulty refraining from acting on our impulses. If your Other has a history of impulsive violence, then she may be unable to tolerate the stress of the Dialogue without violent outburst. You may not wish to risk provoking physical violence. In particular, people who have been physically injured by their spouses or another individual in the past should probably not use the Method with that person. Instead, counselling and/or legal remedies are advised.

Prerequisite #5: Power Is Not Severely Imbalanced, and Neither Person Characteristically Abuses Power

Power is a characteristic of relationships, not of individuals. It is the capacity of one person to influence the behaviour of the Other. This ability to influence the Other’s behaviour is related directly to the strength of the Other’s needs. If Juan desperately needs Karen’s support, then Karen is able to induce Juan to make concessions.

Power is nearly always a mutual process — each can affect the other. Hardly ever is one entirely powerless, although at times we may feel so because we fail to recognise our options.

The power in your relationship with your Other being mutual does not mean that it is balanced. The low-power partner (the one with the greatest needs of the Other), is most vulnerable in the Dialogue. Especially when power imbalance is great, your Other’s promise to comply with Cardinal Rule #2 (Do not use Power-plays) is critically important. If you cannot trust the Other to accept this Cardinal Rule and not use the power at his disposal, then entering into a Dialogue might be risky.

Personality factor: Sadism

Some people derive pleasure from using power gratuitously to hurt others who are relatively helpless to respond. A pattern of such behaviour is called sadism. Sadistic behaviour is often associated with low self- esteem. Behaving sadistically produces a pleasurable feeling of power that compensates for their feelings of powerlessness and inadequacy.

For example, let’s say you are in conflict with your boss and are wondering whether to suggest a meeting to talk it out. You know from past experience that she fires people for ‘making waves’ or punishes ‘trouble-makers’ by assigning undesirable tasks. She then likes to make a public display of the punishment around the office as an example to others. Your boss seems to enjoy wielding coercive, manipulative power. If you have no recourse to protect yourself from or deter her possible abuses, then using the 4-Step Method may not be prudent.

Another example: Your wife receives a pay-check while you, caring for small children, are not employed outside the home. Let’s say that your wife controls all family finances and gives you a weekly amount for food. Further, let’s say that in the past your wife has withheld the food allowance so that you and the children do not have enough to eat. As with impulsiveness, professional help is recommended.

These two examples illustrate both power imbalance and sadistic abuse of power, as well as uncertain commitment to Cardinal Rule #2. If your Other has both the ability and willingness to coerce or intimidate you into submission to his demands, then using the 4- Step Method is risky. The Method requires that both partners act according to the Cardinal Rules. Both participants must be willing to forgo using coercive force, and to engage in the Dialogue as an alternative way of managing your differences.

Prerequisite #6: Neither Person Is Addicted to a Chemical Substance

People who are alcoholic or dependent on other drugs suffer from a condition that jeopardises the success of the 4-Step Method. Certainly, a Dialogue should not be undertaken when either person is intoxicated or under the influence of drugs. But the dependency does not vanish just because the person is not intoxicated at the time. The dependency syndrome itself impairs the Method by disabling certain of the psychological forces toward harmony.

Personality factor: Addictive Disorder

People having the so-called ‘addictive personality‘ often hear an internal script telling them, ‘Nothing is ever enough’. A desperate need to become satiated drives their compulsive consumption of the substance of their addiction. The problem this chronic hunger poses for the 4-Step Method is that an addictive Other will be difficult to satisfy with any amount of conciliation. The moment of Breakthrough will then be very difficult, perhaps impossible, to reach. The addicted person (who is not recovering or in treatment) may complicate the process by employing the ‘covering up’ behaviour habitually used in hiding the addiction from family and associates.

Prerequisite #7: Neither Person Suffers from Severe Emotional Disturbance

`Emotional disturbance’ is a loose collection of personality factors that impinge on the effectiveness of the 4- Step Method. In particular, people who are acutely paranoid (a neurosis or psychosis) or sociopathic (a character disorder) have distorted perceptions of their relationships that make the Method a poor risk.

All of us employ defences against anxiety that distort our perceptions of social reality. So even normal, well- adjusted people may occasionally exhibit behavioural symptoms similar to paranoia or sociopathy. These normal ego-defences are especially likely during periods of high stress.

But this so-called ‘normal neurosis’ does not disable the 4-Step Method. Most people who have emotional problems severe enough to render the Dialogue ineffective have some history of psychiatric hospitalisation or closely supervised outpatient treatment. Our personality quirks and maladjustments are most apparent to the people closest to us. Just because your Other may sometimes seem `crazy’ does not mean the Method will not work.

You may consider yourself unqualified to assess whether these emotional disturbances are present in your Other. Even if you are in doubt, you can probably try the 4-Step Method without great risk. If it doesn’t work for these reasons, damage is not likely. Your Dialogue will simply be another unfulfilling argument that may not seem unlike many previous encounters.

Prerequisite #8: Both People Speak the Same Language

Rarely could two people have an ongoing interdependent relationship in workplace or home settings who do not regularly communicate in a common language. However, if Clashes between people who cannot communicate verbally were to arise, the 4-Step Method would be difficult to carry out. After all, the Dialogue does entail face-to-face communication.

Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)
4-Step Get your Business Conference Relationship Work, Managing the Differences continue…

• Legal Costs：How to Avoid a Heavy Bill
• What are major components of a good business plan for Working from Home
• Mapping your Email Marketing Programs to Defined Business Goals and Objectives
• Some Franchise Terminology
• Categorizing Internet Direct Marketing Players continue...
• EXTENDING YOUR CUSTOMER'S EXPERIENCE OF DIALOGUE THROUGH NEW TECHNOLOGIES AND CAPABILITIES
• Banner Ads and Ad Networks Aid Online Website
• Redrawing Electronic Commerce Customers Marketing Organizational Boundaries
• Internet Marketing, as the voice of all customer communication, Ecommerce the power of Networking
• Consolidation and Integration of Web Service Offerings, direct Email Marketing

2 Comments »