Do Business Well

By this definition, if the person is struggling, it is actively uncaring to allow him to keep playing a part that doesn’t fit. By this definition, firing the person is a caring act. This definition explains not only why great managers move fast to confront poor performance, but also why they are adept at keeping the relationship intact while doing so.

All in all, the tough love mind-set enables a great manager to keep two contradictory^, thoughts in mind at the same time—the need to maintain high performance standards and the need to care—and still function effectively. Tough love enables Mike H., an IT executive, to say in the same breath, “I’ve never fired someone too early,” and, “I truly care about helping my people be successful.”

Tough love allows John F., a manufacturing supervisor, to reminisce, “I have fired a few people in my time. But I’ve stayed close to them. Now that I think about it, each of the best men at my two weddings was someone I had previously fired.”

Tough love explains the incongruous nature of Gary L.’s conversation. Gary, an enormously successful entrepreneur, six-time winner of the Queens Award for Industry, brought in one of his factory managers one evening and told him, “Come in, sit down, I love you; you’re fired; I still love you. Now, get a drink and let’s talk this through.”

“MANAGER-ASSISTED CAREER SUICIDE”

Tough love is a powerful mind-set, providing a coherent rationale and a simple language for handling a delicate situation. But if you choose to incorporate it into your own management style, remember: Counseling a person out of a role is, and will always be, a delicate situation. Tough love is helpful but will never make it easy.

Harry D., the car dealer, captures one of the constant difficulties perfectly with his comment “But I know my people, sometimes better than they know themselves.” In the tough love approach, the manager often has to confront the employee with truths that the employee may not be ready to hear. This will always be a subtle negotiation. That is why you need to get to know your people so well, why you need to meet with them so regularly, why your rationale needs to be clear and your language consistent.

Some may complain that even if you do all of these things, you still don’t have the right to believe that you know the person better than he does himself. Great managers disagree. When Gallup asked, “Would you rather get employees what they want, or would you rather get them what is right for them?” the great managers consistently replied, “Get them what is right for them.”

This sounds authoritarian, even arrogant, but Martin P., the police chief, makes a compelling point:

“I believe that, deep down, the poor performer knows he is struggling before you do. Maybe he can’t find the words, or maybe his pride won’t let him say it, but he knows. On some level he wants your help. And so, subconsciously, he puts himself in situations where his weaknesses are exposed. He is daring you, pushing you to fire him. I call this manager- assisted career suicide. If you suspect that this is happening, the best thing you can do is help put him out of his misery.

“I had one police officer, Max, who couldn’t handle confrontation. Imagine, as an officer you meet the worst people, and you meet the best people on their worst days. You get shouted at, verbally, and sometimes physically abused. You have to keep your cool under all of these conditions.

“Max couldn’t. He would become frustrated, angry, rude. We had reports of an occasional use of profanity. These are low-level disciplinary matters that are brought before a tribunal. I would sit in on these meetings and read the reports and Max would deny them, vigorously. Very vigorously. I saw exactly the kinds of behaviors in these meetings that citizens were complaining about.

“We gave him behavioral counseling, and he worked on it. But it was such a basic part of his personality. He kept going out on patrol, he kept losing his cool, and he kept denying it in the tribunals. He was committing manager-assisted career suicide. He wanted me to fire him. It was his only way out.

“So I did. I removed him from the department. He was a good person with the wrong demeanor for a police officer. Through our outplacement service he found a role as a claims adjuster for an insurance agency here in town, which fits his character so much better. I am still in touch with him, still friendly, and more important, he is doing very well.”

Many of the great managers we interviewed echoed the themes in Martin’s story: The employee refused to confront the truth of his situation and so was angry at the time, but months, and sometimes years later, the employee would make a call, or write a letter, or walk up to the manager in an airport, to tell him, “Thank you. I didn’t realize it then, but moving me out of that job was one of the best things anyone has ever done for me.”

It doesn’t always happen this way. Some employees remain bitter to the end. But tough love does provide a way for the manager and the employee to handle this delicate situation with dignity. Tough love keeps everyone whole.

Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)
The Art of Tough Love: how do great managers terminate someone and still keep the relationship intact? part 3

• The Art of Tough Love: how do great managers terminate someone and still keep the relationship intact? part 2
• The Art of Tough Love: how do great managers terminate someone and still keep the relationship intact?
• The Manager and the New Career
• How High Is High Enough for You?
• My Successful Business Tips, One Rung Doesn't Necessarily Lead to Another
• A Lateral Move Can Lead Upward
• The Secret of My Success, Tales of Transformation, Why is it so Tempting to try to fix people?
• Keys of Your Own, Talented Employee
• Career Management, Spend the Most Time with Your Best People，Why do great managers play favorites?
• Cultivating allies

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