July 15th 2008 12:25 am
Separating Work and Home, Working at home
A recent survey by the psychology department at Swansea University found that the major difficulty experienced by people who had just started working from home was the inability to separate their work and home life. That was not just because they themselves found it hard, but because family and friends found it equally hard to accept that the person who was previously ‘mum’ or ‘dad’ at home was now also a worker. ‘They found it very difficult to accept the change in roles,’ says Professor Osborne. ‘It was hard for partners and kids to comprehend that the person who had previously been available when at home, no longer was, and that they had a new role inside the home.’
Indeed, family members and friends often expect homeworkers to perform duties they would never ask of them if they were in an office. ‘I live in an isolated rural area and on the days I work at home, I am often subjected to a variety of demands,’ says Val Tyler, a management trainer for the Industrial Society. ‘I’ve even had farmers knocking on the door to ask me to help them round up lost sheep or help herd cows. On the days I’m in the office, they wouldn’t dream of phoning me and asking me to come back to help them.
Being asked to round up stray sheep during office time might seem way out, but being expected to do household tasks because you are ‘on site’ is far more common. ‘My husband is very supportive,’ says Judy Magnus, a piano teacher. ‘But the assumption is that if there is any domestic task that requires doing, I’ll be the one who can make the time to do it.’
Elissa, a computer programmer found that pressure from her family was so severe that she was unable to work properly and had to look for an office job. ‘When 1 was at work, everyone understood that. But the minute I was working at home, it was as if I was spending all day twiddling my thumbs. I didn’t mind doing the school run more frequently, but then my mother also expected me to drop her off to her day clubs, instead of getting the bus. My daughter started expecting an after-school chauffeur service and my husband went on domestic strike. Suddenly, if there was any task to be done — whether it was collecting the dry cleaning or even buying a pint of extra milk — it was down to me to do it. It got to the point where I had to get a job away from home to get them all off my back.’
An unsupportive family can wreck even the most well-laid plans for working at home. The problem is that part of the attraction of working at home is that it does enable you to spend more time with your family — but that doesn’t mean they have a right to squeeze out your working time.
Checking out your family’s attitude to homeworking is vital before you start. If you are a woman who has taken a few years out to raise your children, you may encounter opposition from children and partner to the very idea of your returning to work. After all, if they have all enjoyed the situation up to now, they may well be unsympathetic to having less of your time and having to do more round the house — especially if it means the end of the hot cooked meal on the table. If this is your family’s attitude, it is worth finding out whether working at home will soften the blow (you will be more easily available in a crisis and spend less time commuting), or whether it will actually mean that the family will ignore your work commitments. Comments like ‘well, at least you’ll be able to iron my shirts then,’ or ’so you’ll still be able to take me to my after-school clubs’ are dead giveaways.
If your family thinks working at home means working when it is convenient to every member of the household bar you (normally between the hours of midnight and 3 a.m.) you may find it easier to make a complete break and take an office job.
Not all situations are so extreme. If you have already had an office job and are now planning to work at home, your family is likely to be grateful for the extra flexibility this will give you. Even so, it is vital to talk through the change in your work with them. It may even be advisable to have a trial period, before you make the final decision, just to ensure that everyone knows how the changes will affect them.
Once you have started working from home, beware of taking on too many commitments. You may well find that one of the joys of not commuting is being able to take your daughter to Brownies or going to the gym with your brother, but it is unwise to take on a whole raft of family commitments before you know just how time-consuming your work will be.
In order to make sure family and friends understand that what you are doing is real work, not something you do in between everything else, it is best to establish some ground rules :
- If you are working for an employer, stress to your family that you are an employee and that your boss expects exactly the same degree of commitment as in an office job.
- Be firm, but fair. Telling your mother you cannot take her to the day centre every day, because those times will cut across vital appointments, is far more effective — and less hurtful — than merely saying no. Make sure your family understands that you cannot do certain things because you have work commitments, rather than because you don’t want to. Alternatively, if refusal will cause family ructions, you could try compromising — say, offering to take mother to the day centre once a week. Be aware, however, that giving in too easily can lead to more emotional blackmail.
- Explain to your family what is in it for them. If you are the major breadwinner, your family will soon grasp that in a choice between paying the mortgage and taking Johnny to piano lessons, there is really no alternative. However, even if your wages are secondary to - the family income, point out how useful the money will be in terms of ‘goodies’ such as family holidays, computer games etc. — provided you are left alone to earn it. ‘My husband was very reluctant to have me work at home, because it is an intrusion into our family life,’ says May, secretary to a medical consultant. ‘But when he began to see that I was earning as much as I had in a job, that I was seeing more of the kids and was enjoying myself, he gradually came round.’
- Keep some sort of office hours. You may start at eleven and finish at three, or work from three till eleven. It doesn’t matter — provided you have some form of routine and stick to it. Make it clear that during these hours, you do not welcome disturbance from anyone who is not a client.
- Keep personal phone calls to a minimum. If a friend phones for a chat, explain politely that you are working and arrange a time that is clearly out of office hours to return the call. He or she will soon get the message. If your friends really can’t leave you alone, you’ll have to let the answer-phone take your messages and return them when it is convenient to you.
- Try to ensure that your family do not answer calls during work time. If it is unavoidable, try to instil in them the importance of a good telephone manner. An important client who puts in an initial call only to be greeted by ‘yeah, so who are you then ?’ will not be impressed.
- Learn to separate your work self from your home self. ‘Sometimes pupils’ parents phone in the middle of the washing up,’ says Judy Magnus, piano teacher. ‘But I always make sure I take my apron off before I answer them, because it makes me feel professional. Similarly, I always change out of my “domestic” clothes and into my work suits before my pupils arrive. They are only children and so probably wouldn’t notice the difference, but it helps me separate the different parts of my life.’
There are a variety of ‘tricks’ you can learn to separate home and work selves. Some women put on their make-up before going into their home office, just as they would do for an office job. Some men always put on a suit, even if they know they won’t be seeing any clients that day. Yet others plan a strict diary with hours allotted to different tasks and a lunch hour.
Alternatively, you can remind yourself that in an office-based job you would have a finishing time and that you have to apply the same rules to working at home.
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